Pachyderm Pals or Weariness of Women in the Way (Safari pt. 8 – a conclusion)

Stop!  No, Stop!  STOP!  It was the middle of the night and the Swedish male shot upright beneath his mosquito net shouting.  I waited and watched and, chuckling lightly to myself, I rolled over and went back to sleep.  Silly Swede.  Heh.

Somehow with surprising ease, considering the bottles of booze the night before, I was up early.  There was supposedly a football match to be televised later in the evening and the male Brit former tour leader bade us to breeze through breakfast the night before.  And again in the morning.  He wasn’t rude about it but still, c’mon.  No real reason to rush.

We ate and then were off, stopping in Masindi to grab water, and then quickly we found ourselves back on the road again.  The male Brit former tour leader had grabbed a few papers and I was officially introduced to the glory of the tawdry tabloid: the Red Pepper.  In brief, the Red Pepper has been banned before but now somehow maintains the status of legitimate periodical in Uganda, sort of.  Most view the paper as standing at the precipice of pornography.  The Red Pepper is a place where babes are juicy, wieners are whoppers, vaginas are Khandahars and dancers turned singers are asked questions like: Do you masturbate or do you like oral sex or porno or favorite sexual positions.  It’s a hell of a thing.

It was another couple of hours before we got to the Ziwa Rhino Sanctuary.  Apparently the male Brit former tour leader had already seen the Rhinos and didn’t shell out the extra Schillings to go trekking so he stayed behind, casually mentioning the importance of the football game again.

There are six white rhinos in at Ziwa.  That number was soon to increase.  The imminent rhinos also included four black rhinos which would spell the end for the foot trekking, since they attack people unprovoked and all.  The white rhinos are much more docile and also almost twice the size of the black rhinos.  Fact.

I felt good, like the alpha of the pack.  Every since he had scared the baboons away from the lady Swede I had been a bit overshadowed by the male Brit former tour leader.  (Not a fact).  We hopped from the van and set out into the tall grass on foot.  For security reasons there are guides assigned to follow the rhinos around the sanctuary 24 hours a day, keeping a close eye on their location and protecting against potential poachers.  Truth.  Our guide had an automatic rifle.  So did the guide with his eye on the rhinos.  They appeared to be old AKs.

We first marched into the midst of two males.  It was explained to us that one of the females was pregnant and had ejected all the males from the fold.  Somewhere was a third male wandering alone, he had been bounced from the group by the other males previous to the pregnancy.  We stood not fifteen feet from the males.

It.  Was.  AMAZING!  The animals are immense and very docile, with the exception of the pregnant female.  We left the two males laying down and moved along to the ladies.  The pregnant pachyderm was much like a pregnant person, agitated and moody.  She immediately stood up and shot angry stares in our direction.  We kept a safe interval, about six or seven times as far as from the males, and were stared down the entire time.  For all I know the ‘bull’ female may still be staring us down now.

After the excitement was lunch where we met the South African who spearheaded the sanctuary.  We learned that two poachers had been apprehended trying to enter the reserve and the the price fetched for a single horn was more than most people’s lifetime earnings, hence the reckless nature of the poachers.  We also learned that the grand plan was to reintroduce the rhinos back into their once indigenous land of Uganda but that goal is far off for want of government support.

We were off again and dropped the three soon to be British doctor ladies on the way into Kampala.  The Swedes and the former Brit tour leader jumped out near the hospital, the Brit leaped immediately into a taxi and was off to the football game with his Ugandan girlfriend, a fact that he kept quiet until the three soon to be British doctor ladies had left.  Too bad.  I would have asked a ton of questions and even bought a few beers if I had known.  Soon after I was out of the van.  I tipped the driver and traipsed home tired but fulfilled.  And then I showered.  Sweet.

P.S.  The male Brit former tour leader was an Arsenal fan and they got their asses kicked!

NEXT UP: Random facts and pieces that just didn’t fit!